Q: Why does that character have to be gay/bi/black/Asian/Hispanic/etc?
A: As opposed to what?
I’ve found this to be a useful response, because many people will hesitate before saying “white” or “straight.” That hesitation comes from the realization, however subconscious, that they have defaulted all characters to white and straight, and are thereby declaring this normal, while everything else is other. From here, if they choose to acknowledge their internalized (unintentional but still harmful) supremacy rather than going on the defensive, they will begin to understand the real value of representation.
Q: This story isn’t about romance! Why does it matter if the characters are gay?
A: What should they be instead?
Essentially the same response. By that logic, any character in any story who does not have a romantic or sexual story arc should be aromantic and/or asexual. But the truth is, sexuality is only one part of a character’s identity (hey! just like IRL!). Any character of any race, gender, or sexual orientation can go on an adventure that does not involve sex or romance.
i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”
“I will allow space for all the feelings my heart holds. I will not cower or hide from myself. It’s okay to feel the ugly messy things. It’s okay to feel the burning brilliance of beauty. It’s okay to feel the soft winds of happiness and the quiet bursts of loneliness. Its okay to feel it all. It’s okay to be myself, all of myself, not just the good.”—(via positivedoodles)
Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.
What anti choicers don’t understand is that pro choice doesn’t mean “abort all fetuses forever and ever”, it means that you have the choice to abort if you want to. If you don’t? If you want to go ahead with the pregnancy? Good for you! Pro choicers will stand by you and support you, because that’s what it’s all about. A choice.